Who are you??

The most pathetic day in 2012!

You are really too much! Lol! Isn't it enough that I congratulated you? I am not interested about how you got together, how compatible you are. You're cruel and selfish! You know that I still have feelings for you but why do you still treat me that way? Does non-christian deserve to be treated like that?? I really never thought of it at all!

You're such a hypocrite! How could you change so fast? Dragging me and having feelings for another girl at the same time.. No wonder you kept emphasizing about friendship lately. This is your strategy.

Shi Yan and I do not deserve it. You changed too fast! I know you will just go for a christian if you find one and ditch me.

I shouldn't be sad.. in fact I must be grateful that you tell me now. So I can completely let my feelings die off. I have learnt a great lesson from this and shall not repeat it anymore.

Thanks for everything. I won't deny that I liked you before, I enjoyed our happy moments together but I will still admit that I am sick of how you handled things, how you treated me unofficially (it's very unfair to a girl and it's selfish. This is called self centred as well because you just seek for your happiness and what you think is right but you never stand on my shoes.) No wonder you never made promises. To be honest, I don't mind you get into a relationship with someone else but I just cannot accept it while you're dragging with me. You may not admit it because you will definitely say that you appreciate me as a ''GOOD FRIEND". Awesome saying!

Haih.. I do hope you will change your personality. We are all human. You just don't treat non-christians that way. It's such a shame that you're calling yourself God's people and looking up on Him. Please don't use the excuse that you're not perfect and everyone sins.

You're a good friend but please put that effort in relationship too. You hurt too many girls but you never knew it...

Pre-CNY

Chinese New Year is coming soon!!!!

Initially I didn't have the cny mood at all because I was busy with studies, dances and etc. However, after going for survey about teeth wear at OHC today ( anyway, I didn't have any tooth wear at all hahahaha!!!) , I went to driveway to look for nh and the others. They were having free food by the Chinese Society. I saw students were writing chinese caligraphy. Apparently there's a cny calligraphy competition! They were so confident about my writing skill and asked me to join but they only left two extra red papers. If the contestants did not have to rewrite, then she could give me. Too bad!!!! The organizer knew my friends so they kept convincing him to let me participated and I got to write! It's been so long that I have stopped writing. My hand was so shaky until I had to rest my hand on the table for support. If not, I used to hold the brush without resting my hand on the table. The brush's quality was bad! It's small and split easily. Also, the black ink was smelly. I never used this brand in my entire life. I just couldn't stand of the horrible smell. Stinky!!! Despite all the reasons, I focused in my writing and finally got a 2nd place. Haha I won a hamper!!!! I was lucky!!!! Though it's just a medium sized hamper, I was so happy! By the way, My legs were so numb after completed my masterpiece because I was wearing high heels.

The most epic moment was Nh, Chua and Ashley forming a group to compete for the fastest group that completed all the tasks that they have assigned to them. First they were asked to sing a CNY's song, then completed  a puzzle and finally finished up 5 chinese oranges as fast as possible. You won't believe it! They only used up 2 minutes and 25 seconds!!! Dang fast right? NH ate the fastest among all!! He has a big mouth hahaha!!! Hence, they won the grand prize!! Awesome!

Today was so fun!!! I'm gradually building up the CNY's mood already.

Here is some pictures that I took today. Oh yea! Chua became a chai shen ye today!

To you..

This happened yesterday but I was too tired to blog about this.

I finally deleted all the messages that he sent to me!!! I'm no longer sad and this is a new start for me now. What a relief???? I AM OFFICIALLY FREE NOW!!!! Hahahaha!!!!

Thought back about it, I'm regret with something. Yes, it's true that I've learned a lot from this unofficial relationship and had lots of happy moments with him but at the same time I made mistakes. I know I shouldn't blame any sides because both sides have responsibility about it. However, it's unfair especially for a girl. He kept repeating the same mistake even he had already experienced it from previous relationship. I don't think he can understand what a girl thinks. Actually his behaviour was quite self centred. Outsiders will never understand my feeling if they just see from superficial.

Have you learnt anything from both relationships? To be honest, you never grow up from your mistakes. You did the same mistakes and hurt the girls in the same way that you will never understand about it. You might be a good friend but definitely not a good lover now. I sincerely hope that if your next target is a christian, you'll be like a man, tell everyone that she's your girl friend and treat her like a precious. You must be more caring and considerate when comes to girls.

Let it go..

I decided to delete all the text messages that he had sent to me for the past 11 months but I just couldn't resist myself to read back the messages and I felt like my finger weighed 100kg which I couldn't move it to the delete button at all!!!!

I want to let it go....
He's so cruel! What he did to me lately was hurtful. I feel so pathetic right now. I ask myself do I deserve this? Okay, I've agreed with our promises to just be friends. I appreciate this friendship a lot but how am I possible to get rid of this feeling if I still continue to text with you every day? Good friends don't do that. Yea friends still care for each other but they won't text every day. That's not normal. Why are you doing this to me? You're so selfish!! I really think that you cannot handle relationship well. Why are you repeating the same mistake? I know your principle of having a girl friend, that's why I agree with you and respect your decision as I myself slowly knowing more about Christianity. So I understand you. However, it's not fair to me. I don't like how we text now. I really don't get it. Since you're so busy and we're just friends, why do we need to chat every day though the number of messages are tremendously decreasing.

I don't want to lose this friendship too but your behaviour is irritating. Can you be more considerate? Do you know how hurtful I am? I couldn't even delete your messages. Do you still like me? Can you please stop being so cruel to me? I just want to quickly get rid of it.. Time is the best cure! I believe it. I must control myself stop thinking about you.. FRIENDS! I hope that I can see improvement in myself as I continue blogging.

Jar of heart by Christina Perri

A thousand years...

A thousand years by Christina Perri is currently my favourite song. It's undeniable a very romantic and sweet song that spontaneously drags me into the scenario which is surrounded with LOVE. I know he doesn't belong to me before or even now... I keep telling myself he's just a friend to me. Don't be so stupid and put myself into such situation that will just drain me in tears. Good friend is better than nothing right? I may walk with him down the road even longer as a good friend. I'm gonna bury this feeling deep inside my heart.. Love you for a thousand years.

I never want that..

I just received a message from Jin Hong.. He's telling me that his birthday is on the coming Friday. Why was he telling me that?? Hinting me that he wants to celebrate it with me?? That's so weird! Who on earth will deliberately tell someone that his birthday is coming unless I ask him right? I haven't replied him yet.. I realize that I always have a problem. I'm being too friendly and nice to others. Some of the guys will just take it wrongly. My girl friend said if she was me, she would just ignore him if he's not her cup of tea but I wouldn't do that. It doesn't fit my personality at all. However, I do know the concept which is if you really treat him as a friend and do not want to drag him any longer, you shouldn't give false hope to him and be cruel when necessary. It does hurt initially but healing time is fast! There's nothing on earth that you cannot live without. Time is always the best cure!!

I'm back..

It's been so long since the last time I blogged. If I'm not mistaken, it's about few years back. I always tend to be lazy and that's the reason I stopped blogging. However, lately I noticed that blogging is actually a good way to express my feelings no matter happy, sad, disappointed or angry. Despite being lazy, I think I'll blog whatever I encounter with. Hopefully it's a daily or maybe weekly basis. I don't think I'll deliberately tell my friends that I have created a blog because this is kind of my online diary now. If you get to read my blog, I hope it will bring something to you.  I'm not sure what it will be.. Perhaps enjoyment for you while you are reading it??